issue 1: New Beginnings
Cooking Lesson
Nisa Malli
The monster asks how food
works. Specifically eggs and which
phases are eaten with which
teeth. It has a lot of
questions about mouths you feel
unqualified to answer. It has discovered that lip-
licking and fang-baring
do not communicate the same
tactile desire. You tell it a sharpened
heartbreak story and it says
sweetheart
no one should love you
like that, with teeth
like dice rolled
in their back hand. It wants
to know how affection works
underwater when tasting is asking
to drown, the omen of cooking
for a lover who could feed
themselves but won’t. Lately,
it’s been memorizing household
nouns, struggling to differentiate
charcuterie and circuits. You find it unloading
dirty dishes, quietly mis-naming
each vessel it places
in the wrong compartment.
Lexicon LEsson
Nisa Malli
The monster comes to the hospital
though guests are not welcome in the House
of Injury, because who else
will hold your hand in the guise
of comfort? The triage desk, sifting urgent
from the surge of supplicants, screening
for ailments treatable with platitudes and patient
education, knows only what family
looks like on paper. The trick
to mistress-ing is that even
with titles and public
handholding, even if wedding
invites are addressed and family,
you have no rights, no reasonable
expectation, no recourse, no emergency
contact, no severance, no permanence,
no promise, no priority in the division
of resources. The first time
your once lover puts you to bed
in the guestroom, you are too feverish to have feelings
about guest-ing, glad only for someone
pulling the emergency cord, for the ordinary sounds
of someone else’s family, to be the object—not
the subject—of worry. In this scene, you are too sick
to love but they do it anyway.
Nisa Malli is a writer and researcher, born in Winnipeg and currently living in Toronto. Her first book, Allodynia (Palimpsest Press, 2022), was long-listed for the Pat Lowther Award and the Gerald Lampert Memorial Award. Her chapbook, Remitting (Baseline Press, 2019) won the bpNichol Prize. She holds a BFA in Creative Writing from the University of Victoria and has completed residencies at the Banff Centre and Artscape Gibraltar Point.